Firebid Boot

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

First topic message reminder :

Well time for some serious boot camp. Please enter Firebid so we can begin

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Fri Oct 24, 2014 4:52 am

" I don't do anything wrong headmistress Fran explains worriedly,Because she don't know what she did wrong."

" I'm bored where is the teacher Alina whines,She was still waiting for her teacher to show up."

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(The end of the quote goes after headmistress. That's the exact end of where they finish speaking. and the second goes after teacher. It's not hard to figure this stuff out.)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Fri Oct 24, 2014 1:19 pm

" I don't do anything wrong headmistress"Fran explains worriedly, Because she don't know what she did wrong.

" I'm bored where is the teacher" Alina complains, She was still waiting on the teacher to show up.

( oh i decided to put complains instead of whines because either way it sounds better)

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(the Because does not need to be there, you can use since and you used the improper contraction.)

"Then why did Griselda say you would be getting the detention." Faragonda asks her.

The footsteps start to get louder and a young woman no older than seventeen appears. She had light blue hair.

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sat Oct 25, 2014 1:45 am

" well i guess i might have been showing alina how to fly on the school grounds i don't exactly know why" Fran says unsure.

" oh hello there our you my teacher you look amazing" Alina says in shock.

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(You forgot capitals, forgot the periods, forgot the grammar too. Our should be are. Let's try this dialogue again.)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:06 am

Well i guess i might have been showing Alina how to fly on the school grounds i don't exactly know why" Fran says unsure.

" Oh hello there are you my teacher you look amazing" Alina says in shock.

(I have to admit this bootcamp is #fun)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:15 am

\" Oh hello there are you my teacher you look amazing" Alina says in shock. wrote:: " Oh hello there are you my teacher you look amazing" Alina says in shock.

You forgot a comma and a question mark. Repeat this sentence with the things I just noted and we shall proceed .

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:16 am

Well i guess i might have been showing Alina how to fly on the school grounds i don't exactly know why" Fran says unsure.

" Oh hello there are you my teacher? ,You look amazing" Alina says in shock.

(I have to admit this bootcamp is #fun)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sat Oct 25, 2014 2:36 am

Firebid, let me help you in this.

Quote :: Well, I guess I might have been showing Alina how to fly on the school grounds. I don't exactly know why." Fran says unsure.

" Oh hello there, are you my teacher? You look amazing." Alina says in shock.

See the difference between yours and mine? I added a comma after Well, I have capitalized letter (i to I), and I have used a period in the end of the sentence.

In the second part, I used a comma after there and I used a period in the end of the sentence.

"My name is Snow, and I came here over by orders of Miss Faragonda for us to go through a special training course. You'll experience the course, rather than me explain to you what is it about."

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