Firebid Boot

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

First topic message reminder :

Well time for some serious boot camp. Please enter Firebid so we can begin

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:05 am

(oh okay i fixed it but i can repost it if you need me to)

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(You can repost it, but you're still lacking proper grammar dude.)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Wed Oct 22, 2014 4:13 am

"Fran knocks on the office door.

" Fran thought to herself I wonder what the headmistress wants with me"

Alina walks to her training teacher.

" Alina thought to herself I wonder why Fran just give me this different looking necklace and don't explain what i should do with this necklace but i guess i will have to wait for them to get here first"

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(Firebid, you're using quotation marks in the wrong places and if its a person thinking, either use italics or don't use quotes at all. You need a comma after herself with Fran then a period at the end. Outside that your speaking parts, your exposition is getting better, but you need to keep on the grammar!)

"You may enter." Faragonda calls out, turning around to see who it was.

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Wed Oct 22, 2014 4:39 am

" so you want to see me about something headmistress." Fran says,as she enters the office.

" i wonder what is taking my training teacher so long." Alina thought to herself, waiting for her teacher to show.

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(And you messed up again with Fran. You forgot to use a capital S in so. You forgot the comma after so. you have an extra space before the quote. You didn't capitalize I at all.)

Faragonda sits in her chair and looks at Fran over her glasses, "Yes I did. Griselda told me you might be getting a detention. Why would that be?"

----

There were footsteps in the distance that Alina could hear. Maybe her teacher was on the way.

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Wed Oct 22, 2014 4:55 am

" wait i'm getting detention why is that headmistress ." Fran asks, in a worried voice.

" Wait someone is coming i hope it's the teacher." Alina says, with joy.

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(Grammar firebid. I will keep on you about this! Capital W in wait, a comma after it, a period or exclamation point after detention. Then another capital and a question mark after head mistress. Then For Alina's end, get rid of wait, period after coming. Capital I and then it should be Alina exclaims joyously.)

Faragonda frowns a bit, "That is what I wish to know from you."

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:13 pm

" I don't do anything wrong,Headmistress explains Fran more worried,because she doesn't know what she did wrong.

" Bored i'm so bored whines Alina,Because her teacher was late and she was tired if waiting.

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

The head fairy says nothing. Maybe if Fran's creator corrected his grammar and what not she would respond.

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