Firebid Boot

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

First topic message reminder :

Well time for some serious boot camp. Please enter Firebid so we can begin

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sun Oct 26, 2014 5:22 am

" I worked as a maid for the royal elders on lynphea,and one of my maid friends trained me in the way of the flowers." Fran explains to Snow

" I worked as one a servant to the whole kingdom of andros,but I never was one of the servants to begin with i was a student to a evil dark fairy who trained me in dark magic good thing i ran away from him because he killed my animal friends."Alina tells Snow in anger

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(no need for and if you used a period. You forgot to capitalize the A for Andros and the L for Lynphea. A period is required after with, then start a new sentence.)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Mon Oct 27, 2014 6:19 am

" I worked as a maid for the royal elders on Lynphea,and one of my maid friends trained me in the way of the flowers." Fran explains to Snow

" I worked as one a servant to the whole kingdom of Andros,but I never was one of the servants to begin with,i was a student to a evil dark fairy who trained me in dark magic good thing i ran away from him because he killed my animal friends."Alina tells Snow in anger

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(You need to get rid of the and there if you start a new sentence. The working for the elders is one thought. You start the next with making sure the o in one is capitalized. As for the Andros through, you forgot to capitalize I. It's a proper name.)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:02 am

I worked as a maid for the royal elders on Lynphea.And one of my maid friends trained me in the way of the flowers." Fran explains to Snow

" I worked as one a servant to the whole kingdom of Andros,but I never was.One of the servants to begin with,I was a student to a evil dark fairy who trained me in dark magic good thing i ran away from him because he killed my animal friends."Alina tells Snow in anger

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(alright I messed up on the last bit so my bad. Here is how it should read, but I want you to reword it in your own way. I worked as one a servant for the whole kingdom of Andros, but that wasn't where I began my training. I was once a student to a dark fairy, who trained me in the use of dark magic. I ran away after I learned he killed my animal friends." Alina says to Snow with hints of anger and sadness in her voice.)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:31 am

I worked as a maid for the royal elders on Lynphea.And one of my maid friends trained me in the way of the flowers." Fran explains to Snow

I worked as one a servant for the whole kingdom of Andros, but that wasn't where I began my training. I was once a student to a dark fairy, who trained me in the use of dark magic. I ran away after I learned he killed my animal friends." Alina says to Snow with hints of anger and sadness in her voice.)

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(I said not to copy it and place it into your own words. And you forgot the quotes.)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:55 am

"I worked as a maid for the royal elders on Lynphea.And one of my maid friends trained me in the way of the flowers." Fran explains to Snow

"I worked as one a servant for the whole kingdom of Andros, but that wasn't where I began my training. I was once a student to a dark fairy, who trained me in the use of dark magic. I ran away after I learned he killed my animal friends." Alina says to Snow with hints of anger and sadness in her voice.

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(You still didn't rewrite Alina's thing in your own way. You just copied what I had.)

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