Firebid Boot

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

First topic message reminder :

Well time for some serious boot camp. Please enter Firebid so we can begin

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Wed Nov 12, 2014 1:23 pm

"Hey Alina,do you enjoy riding on buses?" Fran asking Alina.

"No Fran I don't enjoy riding on the bus!"yells Alina to Fran.

" I enjoy swimming on Andros instead of riding on the bus" says Alina calming down

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

("yells Alina to Fran. Tell me whats wrong with this James. Also....comma after Fran cuz Alina is still speaking. and you forgot a period)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sun Nov 23, 2014 1:43 am

"Hey Alina,do you enjoy riding on buses?" Fran asks.

"No Fran,I don't enjoy riding on the bus!"yells Alina.

" I enjoy swimming on Andros instead of riding on the bus" says Alina calming down

(what is going on is this bootcamp on hiatus or something it has been touched in forever

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

(no, its not on hiatus. I forgot your posted James)

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sun Nov 23, 2014 1:48 am

(oh you forget i posted oh that is fine i'm not online that much i guess it's my fault too because i work more than be on here

Sirenix Fairy Posts : 5304 Age : 32 Location : New Zealand

((Alright, I will be taking over for now. I have been observing from a far, and now since I have now joined the RP crew, I can finally help out. The bootcamp will stay the same, but there is one more thing I ask of you. Slow down, look at what I'm telling you and take your time. Concerning your last post however, you almost had it, but you need a bit more exposition and fix up the spaces. You almost have the right amount of spaces, but one of them is in the wrong place change that and think where two more should be.))

Charma caught up to the girls who were heading towards the bus stop.
"Hey" she said, "You want to go somewhere else? It won't cost you a bus fare and it's near by Alfea too. We can go to Andros another time ok?"

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:17 am

" Why hello,who might you be? " Fran asked politely.

" Oh sorry,I'm just homesick Andros is my home " Alina explains to the girl.

" What is this place Alfea you speak of " Alina wonders with curiosity.

" Oh Alfea is a school for people like us but we are not ready yet " Fran explains to Alina.

" Oh okay Francine i want to go there someday please " Alina asked Fran with a intrested look on her face

" Oh we will my friend we will " Fran tells Alina.

( oh thanks yukai for taking zero's place)

Sirenix Fairy Posts : 5304 Age : 32 Location : New Zealand

((This is why I asked you to slow down and think. Lets take one of your sentences to see what It suppose to look like:

"Oh, sorry, I'm just homesick. Andros is my home" Alina explained to the girl.

As you can see how I done the sentence? This has the right amount of spaces and right amount of grammar. which I have underlined. Now I want you this time to slow down, pay attention to the example and repeat that IN your own words, and don't use the example that I did. I want you to rewrite that line.))

Subject: Re: Firebid Boot Sun Nov 23, 2014 3:06 am

"Why,hello who might you be?" Fran asked politely.

" Oh,sorry I'm just homesick. Andros is my home" Alina explains to the girl.

" What is this place Alfea,you speak of " Alina adds with curiosity.

" Oh,Alfea is a school for people like us but we are not ready yet ! " Fran adds explaining to Alina.

"Oh okay,Francine i want to go there someday please?" Alina adds asking Fran with a interested look on her face

"We will my friend we will" Fran adds pleased that Alina is interested in the school

Sirenix Fairy Posts : 5304 Age : 32 Location : New Zealand

((Put the spaces in the right places and full stops at the end of each sentence before starting a new sentance. And here is a suggestion, why not indicate that they saw Charma?))

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