MaryKateGirl17
Sirenix Fairy
 
Posts : 2073
Age : 27
Location : On the lovely Planet of Magix
Hobbies : winx fanart
 | Subject: I feel like an outsider.  Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:02 pm | |
| First topic message reminder :
Ok, so in real life, I'm not exactly a social butterfly. Everywhere I go, I'm known as the quiet person. Especially at school with my classmates. As a result, my life is tough for me because people look at you and treat you differently when you're shy. I can decide to say something one moment and then people will go "SHE TALKS??!!!". It annoys me. My shyness is partly due to the bullying I experienced when I was younger and my low self-esteem and such. I have little to no friends and the real actual friends I have had in total are only a couple. Most of the people in my class are only my acquaintances. I might be friendly with them but it doesn't get any better than that. It doesn't help that I am socially awkward, I'm clumsy, and I am scared everyday when I walk through the hallways. I can't even talk to people without them thinking I'm weird, like I could say something that's not even remotely offensive and then the people I'm with will just glare at each other like I'm a fool. This has caused me to internalize my feelings because I don't want to look or say something bad. Whenever I even try to be social, it just backfires on me. I'm a really smart person too, but despite my academic achievements, there hasn't been a day when I haven't gone home depressed and stressed about my social status. In fact I am constantly worried and stressed out about how I am perceived by other people. People see me as a smart and gifted person too but I guess they only care about me when I can use intelligence to help them in class, such as when we're reviewing things or tests or playing review games and you get prizes at the end.
I always have trouble especially with group work, not just in school, but primarily because no one will naturally come up to me and ask me to be their partner. I would have to hunt for one on my own and many times I would have no luck because one group would be full and then another one would be full. I always have to ask can I join someone's group and I never liked working with the same people in a row because I don't think people think I'm cool enough in the first place and I get worried that they might get tired of me. I'm such a quiet person that no knows I'm there. Once in a while, people will come to me and try to be friendly, and I'm a nice person and don't want to push them away but I get mad because I feel as if they're doing this just out of pity, not because they want to hang out with me and I don't want to be in that position. This happened to me a while ago and some girls saw me sitting alone and started talking to me but I didn't want them to feel like they were looking after me. One of the girls only "befriended" me because one of the adults told them. I don't want people to think I'm anti-social. I'm not, I just lack the skills to actually interact with people. It's so bad that really the only real friends I have had have either disappeared or forgotten about me, or they are online here. I feel comfortable talking to some of you guys but I resent having to go out into the real world. I'm older now and it's easier for me to socialize with other people but it's still really bad. I know this was long but I just wanted to say how I feel. Hopefully, I didn't scare anyone.
Last edited by MaryKateGirl17 on Thu Apr 04, 2013 9:28 pm; edited 4 times in total | |
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