Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks

Subject: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Sun Mar 09, 2014 2:14 am

First topic message reminder :

name: Brandy fire flame

age: 18

gender: female

height: 6"1

what creature are you: fairy

ethnicity: domino

race: domino

allegiance: she is fighting for good never evil

origin: fairy

powers: fire sparks

spells: fire spark it is a big flame of fire that hit her enemies for three minutes high

fire heal it heals any of her friends that have been burned by fire high

fire flame it is a big huge flame that hits her enemies into a nice crispy burn making them flee medium

fire shield this attack protects herself medium

fire spark shield this attack protects her friends and everyone around her low

fire blast this attack hits her enemies for 5 to 3 seconds low

appearance: red hair red boots red shirt orange skirt this is her human form orange glitter wings and orange skirt and shirt and she keeps the red boots from her human form that is her fairy form her eyes are brown she also has an apron for when she is at work

strengths: being a great listener and also being a amazing friend to all of her friends and she is really good at reading ancient warnings her fire powers are stronger when she is somewhere near lava or volcanoes

weakness:not great at sports her fire powers are weak when she is near somewhere that is cold and icy not being a amazing friend to all of her friends not being a great listener when she is busy with work

personality: she is bossy she whines a lot and she has a tiny secret that most people might know about her past she loves to pick out dresses for her friends and she is very very sweet finally she doesn't like it when someone else is in charge she hates lazy people she doesn't like cold weather she is alittle clumsy when she serves food to people she doesn't know

history: Brandy was born in a cave with her family who get killed by the same dark fairy that killed alina's animal friends when she was a little girl and lived in a cave with a pet dragon named bob he always take care of her with the help of his dragon trainer he couldn't take care of her because he had to train all of the dragons and she lived there until the waitresses found her because they were looking for dragon eggs but they found her instead and take her in as a waitresses for the royal domino family when she was a little girl.They also take bob her pet dragon in as their house pet because it was oh okay with the dragon trainer.Her mother would make her food when she was at school when she was a little girl. One day she showed off her waitresses skills with other royal families by delivering the food to all of domino.She lived at the castle with the waitresses who found her she was a waitresses until she needed enough money for a place of her own. but she was looking for a job to pay the rent when she lived there she show a for hire sign on the castle window and she get the job to pay the rent .But when her mother died her sous chef friend made her food until she was all grown up. When she want to the college of domino people know she come from a cave and she was teacher's pet all the girls would pick on her until she had enough she used her fire powers on one of the students and get herself expelled from the college She want to alfea and bloom would know her because she was the waitresses she hired for her family because they needed someone to deliver the food because the other workers were too busy with their work to do it. In the future she wants to be a sous chef after she gets promoted from being a waitresses.

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:49 am

firebid1030 wrote:: origin: fairy/human

How is she human?

Quote :: powers: fire sparks

What are her attacks?

Quote :: strengths: picking her own clothes

Unless she's younger than 5 years old, this is not a strength. This is an action done everyday by everybody, everywhere.

Quote :: and also being a amazing friend to all of her friends except the mean girls

Personality trait.

Quote :: lastly she is really great at picking her friends dresses for a dance

Please read my prior comment about picking her own clothing.

Quote :: weakness:not being in charge

Does she not like being in charge? Does she not like it when someone else is in charge? If so: personality trait.

Quote :: and mean girls being mean to her friends

Makes no sense.

Quote :: and her family and friends getting hurt by evil creatures

Is she distracted by it? If they're hurt does she forget her own safety and goes to them?

Quote :: and working she doesn't like it that much

Personality. Lazy would be the better word for this.

Quote :: personality: she is bossy she whines a lot and she has a tiny secret that most people might know about her past she loves to pick out dresses for her friends and finally she is very very sweet

Expand. She sounds like a shallow character from this description.

Quote :: history: Brandy lived in a cave with a pet dragon named bob he always take care of her with the help of his dragon trainer and she lived there until someone found her and take her in as a chef for the royal domino family they also take bob her pet dragon in as their house pet because it was oh okay with the dragon trainer and she use to be a mean girl in her old school which would be the college of domino she was mean to the students like starting fights putting other girls down and disliking people's food before she started alfea is her tiny secret that everyone in domino might know when she was at school her mother would make her food for her to eat and it was amazing for her to taste her mother's food she always looked up to her mother who was also a chef but before she want to alfea the new mean girl of domino told her off and it hurt brandy's feelings now she known she had to be nice to her new friends at alfea so the new mean girl at domino made her change her mean girl ways and in the future she would love to be top chef in all of the magix dimension

1) I can hardly read a word of what is said. Please mend this so it is A) easier to read, and B ) written in proper English.

2) Was she born in a cave? Left there? Abandoned? Ran away? What of her parents? Dead? Alive? Her history seems to be promoting that the only thing she loves to do is cook but this is the only time it is mentioned (and gushed about endlessly), that she goes to Alfea in secret (and how has Bloom not recognized her?), and that someone from Domino hates her for reasons not explained.

3) Who found her? Why? Why would they take in a stray? And at what age? Why make her chef? Did they need a chef? Is she the head chef? Sous chef? Line cook? Did she show off her cooking skills?

Quote :: spells: fire spark it is a big flame of fire that hit her enemies for three minutes high

fire heal it heals any of her friends that have been burned by fire high

fire flame it is a big huge flame that hits her enemies into a nice crispy burn making them flee medium

fire shield this attack protects herself medium

fire spark shield this attack protects her friends and everyone around her low

fire blast this attack hits her enemies for 5 to 3 seconds low

Move these to their correction placement.

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:15 am

Please rectify those errors so your OC can be approved.

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:53 am

oh okay ready for it to be checked thanks

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:02 am

Her appearance needs more. It's really flat and short.

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:10 am

SarahTheGamerEmpress wrote:: Her appearance needs more. It's really flat and short.

done thanks should i add the color of the eyes for sophie too right

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:13 am

Yes, that would be nice.

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:45 pm

firebid1030 wrote:: weakness:not being in charge and mean girls being mean to her friends and her family and friends getting hurt by evil creatures and lazy people

What does any of this mean? Her weakness is not being in charge? So if she's not in charge.....then what? She throws a hissy fit? She complains? She argues with whoever is in charge? She tries to steal the position? How does this count as a weakness?

I still have no idea how mean girls are considered a weakness. Same with people attacking her family and friends.

Also, how are lazy people her weakness? This makes no sense. How does lazy people count as a flaw in her character?

Quote :: personality: she is bossy she whines a lot and she has a tiny secret that most people might know about her past she loves to pick out dresses for her friends and she is very very sweet finally she doesn't like it when someone else is in charge

As I've been repeating myself time and time again, expand on her personality. She's flat and holds no weight.

Quote :: history: Brandy was born in a cave with her family who get killed by the same dark fairy that killed alina's animal friends and lived in a cave with a pet dragon named bob he always take care of her with the help of his dragon trainer and she lived there until the waitresses found her and take her in as a waitresses for the royal domino family when she was a little girl.

When did her parents die? How long was she living in that cave alone? Now there's a dragon trainer that knew she lived in the cave? Why didn't he take her in? Why were waitresses going to a cave? Specifically, how did they come across her cave?

Quote :: She had a tiny secret she was the mean girl of domino college she would pick fights with other girls,put other girls down,criticizing other girls food.

So now Brandy's the mean girl?

Quote :: One day she showed off her waitresses skills with other royal families. Her mother would make her food when she was at school.

How long did she live in the castle before she got the job? Why wasn't she just dumped off at someone's house instead? What use did the royal family have for her prior to her showing off her skills.

Also, isn't her mother dead at this point? If you mean before her parent's death, then what school are you talking about? How does no school on any planet not know where a child lives? If she shows up everyday to school with dirt marks on her clothing, someone's going to figure it out.

Also, how does her mother making her food translate into Brandy's skills as a waitress? Waitresses don't make food; they deliver food.

Quote :: Someone from the domino college was mean to her after she was mean to her Brandy know how she felt and her feels were hurt.

This sentence makes no sense. Are you implying that after Brandy was bullied, she suddenly (and rapidly) changed her ways?

Subject: Re: Brandy The Fairy Of Fire Sparks Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:57 am

Kyra_Xyrespace wrote:

firebid1030 wrote:: weakness:not being in charge and mean girls being mean to her friends and her family and friends getting hurt by evil creatures and lazy people

What does any of this mean? Her weakness is not being in charge? So if she's not in charge.....then what? She throws a hissy fit? She complains? She argues with whoever is in charge? She tries to steal the position? How does this count as a weakness?

I still have no idea how mean girls are considered a weakness. Same with people attacking her family and friends.

Also, how are lazy people her weakness? This makes no sense. How does lazy people count as a flaw in her character?

Quote :: personality: she is bossy she whines a lot and she has a tiny secret that most people might know about her past she loves to pick out dresses for her friends and she is very very sweet finally she doesn't like it when someone else is in charge

As I've been repeating myself time and time again, expand on her personality. She's flat and holds no weight.

Quote :: history: Brandy was born in a cave with her family who get killed by the same dark fairy that killed alina's animal friends and lived in a cave with a pet dragon named bob he always take care of her with the help of his dragon trainer and she lived there until the waitresses found her and take her in as a waitresses for the royal domino family when she was a little girl.

When did her parents die? How long was she living in that cave alone? Now there's a dragon trainer that knew she lived in the cave? Why didn't he take her in? Why were waitresses going to a cave? Specifically, how did they come across her cave?

Quote :: She had a tiny secret she was the mean girl of domino college she would pick fights with other girls,put other girls down,criticizing other girls food.

So now Brandy's the mean girl?

Quote :: One day she showed off her waitresses skills with other royal families. Her mother would make her food when she was at school.

How long did she live in the castle before she got the job? Why wasn't she just dumped off at someone's house instead? What use did the royal family have for her prior to her showing off her skills.

Also, isn't her mother dead at this point? If you mean before her parent's death, then what school are you talking about? How does no school on any planet not know where a child lives? If she shows up everyday to school with dirt marks on her clothing, someone's going to figure it out.

Also, how does her mother making her food translate into Brandy's skills as a waitress? Waitresses don't make food; they deliver food.

Quote :: Someone from the domino college was mean to her after she was mean to her Brandy know how she felt and her feels were hurt.

This sentence makes no sense. Are you implying that after Brandy was bullied, she suddenly (and rapidly) changed her ways?

done edited it btw i changed her to a nice girl not mean girl anymore it made no sense anyways oh and i will maybe make fran's boyfriend hector soon but i don't know when

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