Talgoose's bootcamp

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

Here is your training ground Talgoose. Here, we shall help you learn the art of rping. This doesn't have to pure work, bootcamps can be fun if you allow them to be.

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Tue Apr 12, 2016 9:08 pm

ok, how i start?

RP Moderator Posts : 9973

Nikkie will be working with you on this. He will do the first post and go from there.

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:19 am

zerowing21 wrote:: Nikkie will be working with you on this. He will do the first post and go from there.

And where is him?

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Wed Apr 13, 2016 6:11 am

I was sleeping Laughing

. Anyways, let's get started.

On a lazy and sunny spring afternoon, many of the Alfea students were found outside. Breathing in the spring and witnessing nature coming to life after the long and dark winter months. Zaflore was one of those students who yearned to catch a couple of sun rays. She sat on a blanket spread out over the grass, yet there was plenty of room left on the blanket for one or two people to join in on her spot.

Lesson 1:
Elements of the post.
1) Scenery: Aside from just playing my character, I also set the scene. These are elements your character can react to.
2) My own character's actions: Is currently being passive within the scene and perhaps a little lonely. This is a situation your character could react to.
3) Window of opportunity: The open spots at Zaflore's blanket are basically an invitation for people to join her in sunbathing. It's an opportunity for your character to engage mine.

Always keep those things in mind, as those are the fundamental elements in any RP posts you can encounter here.

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:03 pm

Nikkie (✿◡‿◡) wrote:: I was sleeping . Anyways, let's get started.

On a lazy and sunny spring afternoon, many of the Alfea students were found outside. Breathing in the spring and witnessing nature coming to life after the long and dark winter months. Zaflore was one of those students who yearned to catch a couple of sun rays. She sat on a blanket spread out over the grass, yet there was plenty of room left on the blanket for one or two people to join in on her spot.

Lesson 1:
Elements of the post.
1) Scenery: Aside from just playing my character, I also set the scene. These are elements your character can react to.
2) My own character's actions: Is currently being passive within the scene and perhaps a little lonely. This is a situation your character could react to.
3) Window of opportunity: The open spots at Zaflore's blanket are basically an invitation for people to join her in sunbathing. It's an opportunity for your character to engage mine.

Always keep those things in mind, as those are the fundamental elements in any RP posts you can encounter here.

mmm..ok, lets do it:

due that the scenario looks adecuated for it, Elinor sit in a blaket to draw her surroundings, she wants to make a good portrait of the scene(she could use it for the manga that was writting), and when she saw the other girl that was sunbathing, elinor decide make a portray of the girl, for what elinor decide talk with her to ask her that pose for a draw for her.

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Wed Apr 13, 2016 11:17 pm

I'm sorry for what I'm going to do next, but this is your previous post rewritten with correct English grammar. I really recommend you practice your English.

Your post rewritten:
Because the scenario looks {adequate?}*, Elinor sits(proper verb usage) on a blanket to draw her surroundings. (Don't stretch sentences too long, keep it short and simple for both your convenience as well as the reader's convenience.) She wants to make a good portrait of the scene(ry) which she could use for a new manga she was writing.(Again, don't make extremely long sentences with commas and staple words, just start a new sentence.) When she sees the other girl sunbathing, Elinor wants to portray the girl. She approaches the sunbathing girl and asks her: "Would you mind posing for a drawing I'm making?" (Use direct speech style when your character says something, for better understanding of this please read this article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Direct_speech )

*I'm uncertain what exactly you were trying to say here, my best guess was the word "adequate".

I also noticed you switched from present tense to past tense in the middle of your post. Please be consistent. It doesn't matter whether you write in present or past tense, but stick to one of the two. Switching tenses is a no-no when writing anything.

Everything between brackets is feedback on your post, and will hopefully assist you in the future when constructing a post.
Last bit of feedback, you don't necessarily need to quote the previous post. It's only needed when the post you're reacting to is buries beneath numerous other posts.

My post:
Zaflore looked up at the girl, shielding her eyes from the bright sunlight. She shifted somewhat uneasily on the blanket, clearly taken aback the the request to pose for a drawing. After a brief moment of thought accompanied with a soft hum she simply nodded. "What kind of pose would you like? I'm not too flexible, so nothing too straining please," she said, though all in all she found the request a little strange, but was more than willing to humor the other girl none the less.

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Thu Apr 14, 2016 1:52 am

elinor: i only want to draw you sitting on the grass, and looking to the nothing, like if you're thinking for example, in someone important to you.

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Thu Apr 14, 2016 11:24 am

Small feedback on the use of direct speech:
Generally when using direct speech you have to use quotation marks. Aside from that your post above is lacking your character's actions. How does she react to my character's statement? What is her body language saying?
Advice:
Elinor nodded when she heard Zaflore's conditions. She said: "I only want to draw you sitting on the grass, and looking to the nothing, like if you're thinking for example, in someone important to you."

The quotation marks indicate exactly which bit is spoken. If you want to place the 'she said' part after the quote you do it like this:
"I only want to draw you sitting on the grass, and looking to the nothing, like if you're thinking for example, in someone important to you," Elinor said. (Note how the period at the end of the quote changes into a comma here because the sentence does not end, instead it ends after 'Elinor said'.
Direct speech doesn't necessarily have to begin with either "Elinor said: "(...)." or "(...)," Elinor said. If you have multiple quotes of the same character, as demonstrated in my post below, you don't need to mention it's your character saying it explicitly, since it's already clear that she is. This will streamline your writing and increasing the readability.

Also, 'I' is always capitalized in the English language. It's a minor detail but a good habit to pick up on as soon as possible.

My post:
Zaflore's cheeks turned a little red along with a huge smile appearing on her face as her eyes look upwards and to the left in a dreamy way. As soon as was mentioned to think about someone special to her, her thoughts drifted to her girlfriend. "Draw away!" she said enthusiastically and she sat casually, still smiling a little dreamy. "I do want to see the drawing though, I'm curious!"

Subject: Re: Talgoose's bootcamp Thu Apr 14, 2016 9:30 pm

ok, i will try:

Elinor start to draw, first she choose the right angle to start adraw where the light allow her get a better illumination of zaflore, the she start to draw, at the start was a little bit hard, but after she gets the exact form of her model.

"a little bit more, some shades in this section, correct this finger a little bit, a VOILA, what do you think?"

elinor shows her picture, where elinor not only had drawed a exact image of zaflore, but added a Chibi SD version of the girl. Elinor was especting a opinion from zaflore

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