| | Deme's Bootcamp |  |
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zerowing21
RP Moderator
Posts : 9973
 | Subject: Deme's Bootcamp  Tue Mar 31, 2015 4:30 pm | |
| Deme, in this bootcamp, we'll work on pacing of the story, proper character reactions and other things. | |
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Tecnafairy
Sirenix Fairy
 
Posts : 2801
Age : 25
Location : demetrius or deme land :)
Hobbies : watching the winx playing video games cooking food
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Tue Mar 31, 2015 5:05 pm | |
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zerowing21
RP Moderator
Posts : 9973
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Tue Mar 31, 2015 5:08 pm | |
| Alright let us start with the scene. It's a peaceful day on Magix and Lee is in a boat, paddling around Lake Rocholuche. The wind is calm and on the shore one could see several Alfea students doing various activities. In the distance, something is seen crashes into the woods, with an echoing boom reaching the ground moments later. | |
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Tecnafairy
Sirenix Fairy
Posts : 2801
Age : 25
Location : demetrius or deme land :)
Hobbies : watching the winx playing video games cooking food
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Tue Mar 31, 2015 8:53 pm | |
| ''Whoa what was that huge sound. Hm I mite as well go check out I hope no one there or at least hurt.''
Last edited by Tecnafairy on Tue Mar 31, 2015 9:32 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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zerowing21
RP Moderator
Posts : 9973
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Tue Mar 31, 2015 9:00 pm | |
| (Deme, add in some detail on what Lee is doing. Sure she's reacting, but how she is reacting to it?) | |
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Tecnafairy
Sirenix Fairy
Posts : 2801
Age : 25
Location : demetrius or deme land :)
Hobbies : watching the winx playing video games cooking food
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:05 pm | |
| - zerowing21 wrote:
- (Deme, add in some detail on what Lee is doing. Sure she's reacting, but how she is reacting to it?)
(how about now I edit it) | |
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zerowing21
RP Moderator
Posts : 9973
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:13 pm | |
| (Deme you need re-post it and that's not a physical reaction. You're not describing what Lee is doing, or her tone of voice. I just see dialogue. Does she look scared, or curious. Is her voices shaky?) | |
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Tecnafairy
Sirenix Fairy
Posts : 2801
Age : 25
Location : demetrius or deme land :)
Hobbies : watching the winx playing video games cooking food
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Fri Apr 03, 2015 12:27 am | |
| 'Whoa what was that huge sound. Hm I mite as well go check out I hope no one there or at least hurt. but one problem is I'm scared but I really want to see what was going on.'' | |
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zerowing21
RP Moderator
Posts : 9973
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Fri Apr 03, 2015 12:34 am | |
| (I'm sorry deme, but that's not what I'm looking for. Have Lee speak, the do something like this. Deep inside, Lee's heart pounds due to fear of going off to find the object. Her legs quiver, but she steels herself and rows back to shore. Please don't use what I wrote. I want to see something beyond just dialogue please) | |
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Tecnafairy
Sirenix Fairy
Posts : 2801
Age : 25
Location : demetrius or deme land :)
Hobbies : watching the winx playing video games cooking food
| | Subject: Re: Deme's Bootcamp Fri Apr 03, 2015 7:27 pm | |
| lee was terrified when she heard the explosion but she was very anxious to figure out what had happen. | |
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