Feeling down a lot.

Subject: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:50 am

Hi everyone, I just wanted to post my problems here to simply let it out. I've been told many times that keeping things to myself is very bad, and I'm finally deciding to relieve it. I have friends I could talk to about it, but I never feel comfortable talking to them about it. So I'm going to post to my friends here. It is kinda personal so yeah.

One of the things I've been wanting to talk about for so long is my problems at home, with my parents. They argue all the time, and I am sick of it. By argue I don't mean just little arguments that are easily forgettable, I mean full-on verbal/physical abuse that lasts hours sometimes. They argue about everything. My dad has a panic-attack problem and everytime something goes wrong all hell brakes loose. Yelling, shouting, swearing, hitting, punching, throwing things. Everytime something goes wrong, which seems to be quite often. It has been like this for all my life, 15 years. It's gradually getting worst. The violence really gets to me. It gets me so down, and probably isn't helping my 5-year-old brother either. It makes me feel like absolute crap. I'm too afraid to get involved, and everytime I do I always do/say something wrong. I just can't put up with it anymore, and I've literally shouted it at them to tell them how I really feel. But nothing seems to work, I just get in the crap for it. It just gets to the point where I feel like self-harming or even ending my life because I feels so down and stupid. I get those thoughts a lot. Sometimes when the argue I just run away from home to escape. They're too wrapped up in a fight to care about me. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even care if I was gone, because I always get the feeling that no one will. I wish so bad that my parents would divorce, unlike many people I would be happy. It would be like my freedom. My mum hates my dad an I know it. But even she is afraid to leave him.

My dad has never really been here for me, and has hardly been part of my upbringing despite the fact that we've always lived together. Is it bad for me siding with my mum and not really caring for my dad? My dad always makes me feel guilty for no seeing his point of view, but I do see it. I think the main reason I see it is because I'm like him, not in the panic attack way, but just general other ways. My mum said to me as a kid that I was like my father, and that really stuck to me. Everyday I realise more ways that I'm like him, and I don't want to be like him! It just adds another reason why I don't want to be here. Now my mum says that I'm not like him, but I don't know whether shes saying that to make me feel better or not.

Another thing is I always feel so useless. I get fed up with myself for making the simplest mistakes. I feel that I can never do anything right. Everything that I do wrong dwells on me, I've always had a hard time letting things go. Sometimes I feel like leaving here because I make so many mistakes. In class when I don't get something, I get annoyed about it, especially in maths when my teacher can't explain things very well. There has been a few times when I feel like just running out of the class and crying.

I cry a lot, more than ever over the last two years. I just wish I was stronger :/ I know it's a long blurb about everything...but I guess it was worth it.

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:27 am

That's just really sad Sad

At least you're not alone in real life. You still have your bother/ brother. Next time they argue, I suggest you to use ear plugs

Don't be sad Nessa! Be happy! If you have a question you should ask your teacher. Don't be afraid to do so Very Happy

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:55 pm

Vanessa,It's a good thing you have posted this because if you keep everything to yourself and try to place it all in.. One day you'll burst and will either start saying stuff like a maniac and go to a mental hospital or you'll start sharing secrets you were meant to keep both ways aren't really nice so you should probably feel a slight relief for sharing this and I thank you. Smile

Well parents fighting and arguing that's normal.. It's the first sign of divorce (Sorry) and well they'll start (Well they already are.. Confused

) arguing about the slightest simplest stuff that goes around and it'll get more complicated and will start getting physical and they'll start talking about things from the past they haven't said or mentioned and then someone or both of them will offend the other with something so painful that it might make them not talk for at least three days.. And you'll get hurt... And your brother will be in pain. What you have to do (You obviously can't talk with them about it) Is family therapy (It'll be good enough if you already have a therapist) and you guys ALL OF YOU have to sit down together (With a counselor) and discuss things.. Then she'll tell you something to do.. But in your case.. If it's really hurting you badly I suggest you talk with your mother about it in a very calm way (Try not to say anything bad.. Which frequently happens and you'll mother will start arguing with you) and after you have tried to solve it with your mother and there was a positive resolution.. Talk about it with your father (MAKE SURE that he's calm enough.. Best on happy occasions.. Make sure not to ruin it which yet again tends to happen and your father will probably argue with you) and if things worked out then you could happily move one.. If not.. Then you pray for them to get divorced and tell your mother about it (But don't make it obvious that you want them divorced) I'm pretty sure this might not be helpful at all.. But I tried.

And now for you feeling "Useless". Honey you aren't useless you're anything but useless (In a good way) everybody hates making the simplest mistakes.. But we're human and we'll make mistakes as long as we live because we aren't perfect but we try our best to do things right so don't let it dwell on you.. Things are meant to be for reasons we don't know.. So instead of feeling bad for ourselves let's try to make it better and move on with our life! Here.. If you make mistakes that's alright.. It's just a forum for winx club fans! It's not going to haunt you or staunt your future you really don't have to take it all serious! It's your teacher's problem that he doesn't know how to explain properly and if you have problems concentrating maybe you should visit a doctor and if you really feel bad just do it.. Run away from class and do it although some people might speak about it and you might visit the principle and you might get suspended (Oh my mighty might mights!) but if it makes you feel better then you should!

Aww Nessa.. No you don't have to cry.. You are strong and sensitive which is okay! Being sensitive is really okay but please don't cry and don't feel bad just think positive and try to enjoy your life.. And if it makes you happy you have about two to three years till college! ^-^ Then you would go live in a dorm at college and stay away from home and no more of all this "crap" that's making you so sad! So don't feel bad or sorry.. A lot of people have to live with some of this "crap" It happened here.. But it stopped two months ago! Always smile and hope for a better place in this world because it's the positiveness in our life that makes it all better and clear.. But if you let go of the negativeness then your world will crash down on you.. Just Keep it balanced.

You'll always find us here if something else happens or if you'd like to speak about anything else ^-^ and yes it was worth all the long blurb at least now you feel slightly relieved right? Very Happy

Have fun and don't forget to always enjoy your life! Smile

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 2:33 pm

I am so sorry for you. My step-mom an dad argue all the time.( It just doesn't get as physical.)
Next time they argue, put in some headphones and blast your favorite Winx tunes. Or you could go outside with your brother and talk with him. Maybe you could call your friends or chat with us on the forum. We will be here almost all of the time.
You also need to pray everyday for your family. Hope everything gets better for you soon!
Here are some funny faces to make you lol: :shock: 8) im in the csi! :face:

I will pray for you,too!

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:16 pm

...well I think talk to your teacher, or any other adults you're close to. Your brother and you. Should stay in one room and just talk or play games while they argue. Tell them how you feel when they argue. They'll take your feelings into considerations. I hope everything gets better soon!

$!n9ed l

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:09 pm

Winxisawesome wrote:: By argue I don't mean just little arguments that are easily forgettable, I mean full-on verbal/physical abuse that lasts hours sometimes. They argue about everything. It has been like this for all my life, 15 years. It's gradually getting worst. The violence really gets to me. It gets me so down, and probably isn't helping my 5-year-old brother either. It makes me feel like absolute crap. I'm too afraid to get involved, I wish so bad that my parents would divorce, unlike many people I would be happy. It would be like my freedom. My mum hates my dad an I know it. But even she is afraid to leave him.

NATURE KICK

SIRENIX★
YOU'RE THE
INSPIRATION

★THE POWER OF THE
SEAS INSIDE OF YOU

im very sorry to hear this

1. i know how you feel, a 100% because i been through the same and i wish i could hug you because you certainly need that, dont you Wink

2. trying to get involved to make it stop will not help, trust me on that one.
just dont ever try to get involved anymore and save yourself the shouting and screaming, swearing etc.

3. i know its hard and trying to escape from it aint Always the best option. i mean, i had my way of escaping from such reality... i thought it was a good way to get away from it but certainly wasnt
i suggest you just turn up the music really loud when its going on, then you dont hear it and you are actually enjoying the things you hear

4. the fact your parents seem not to care for you and your little brother all that much i HIGHLY suggest you take action yourself. Save yourself and your little brother. Go to child services / social services
... or call them and tell the whole story as short as you can, so they know whats up but in a way you dont have to talk to them for an hour or so xD

OR tell the teachers on your school.... both ways will help you
... ask your teachers to help you find people that can help you(because teachers themself most of the time do not bother to actuall help the students that way ...)

dont sit in your home and do nothing... you are 15, old enough to take action... your 5 yearo ld brother doesnt have the brains yet, if you know what i mean
so if you dont want him to grow up like you had to and if you really want this to end, the ridiculous relationship your parents have. you really need to open up about it on school or call ^^^^^^
(i know its insane you have to do everything on your own like that as a 15 year old, its stupid i know, but it seems thats the only way out for you?)

trust me, your parents may not listen to you but they will and HAVE to listen to those other adults eventually.... or else they will lose you both and im guessing they dont wanna lose their children.

Winxisawesome wrote:: Another thing is I always feel so useless. I get fed up with myself for making the simplest mistakes. I feel that I can never do anything right. Everything that I do wrong dwells on me, I've always had a hard time letting things go. Sometimes I feel like leaving here because I make so many mistakes. In class when I don't get something, I get annoyed about it, especially in maths when my teacher can't explain things very well. There has been a few times when I feel like just running out of the class and crying.
I cry a lot, more than ever over the last two years. I just wish I was stronger I know it's a long blurb about everything...but I guess it was worth it.

NATURE KICK

SIRENIX★
YOU'RE THE
INSPIRATION

★THE POWER OF THE
SEAS INSIDE OF YOU

do you think you have a low self esteem? im not sure but maybe you do
and dont worry, everyone has such a period in their life , dont feel akward or stupid cause of it

its humans, emotions... we all have them

you need to become more confident Wink

its not easy though, especially not for you because you have such a stinky life at home.... it has a lot of impact on you , doesnt it
....<33 we are here for you

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:52 pm

Im very sorry to hear this nessa Sad

But things will get better! if things dont then just play some loud music with your earphones to you wont be able to hear anything, and if it doesnt work then just take a walk around the neighborhood while they fight that way you wont feel pain when you hear them arguing, sorry if this isnt good, im not good at giving advice

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:55 pm

Aww Nessa. You should really be brave in this situation. And if you have a question in class, I can understand it can be confusing especially in maths but you just gotta ask them.

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Sat Apr 06, 2013 6:13 am

Oh my, I am very sorry to hear or 'see' this. Sad

Well, I don't know what to say since my parents aren't like that. But i did encounter the part that my mother told me that I was like my father, always hot-tempered, shouting, lazy, etc.
Just be brave bestie, try to protect and guide your brother also. I don't know if this will work, but try talking to your father, if he is in a good mood. <=== I have no idea if that will work, maybe it will hurt you more. Sad

And with you always being annoyed at and cry a lot, I say try to be braved, try to show them who you are, try letting out your feelings, ESPECIALLY ON THAT MATH TEACHER! Try talking it out with you guidance counselor, along with you Math teacher, I guess your counselor, can fix it a bit.

Sorry if my advices weren't helpful, since I am also struggling to fix my own life, my life is too tangled right now. Just that I wanted to help you. If only I can see you in person, I would do everything to make you feel better, bestie. <3 Smile

P.S. Good thing you let your feelings out. Very Happy

Subject: Re: Feeling down a lot. Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:12 am

Thank you guys soooo much for all the support and advice!!! ^-^ Love you all Wink

(friend love haha)

@Sarah: I do feel relieved! I'm not too sure about family therapy...My dad wouldn't take much note of it and just get uptight Confused

Every time my mum has mentioned about divorce he just gets uptight and walks away. I do agree that I need to talk to them about the way I feel, my dad isn't that approachable about that stuff though. Thanks for the advice though, I'll just need to gain some confidence (:

@Di Zio: Sometimes I don't really like turning up the music in my earphones because I'm usually too upset to be bothered to listen to music.... Confused

I don't really trust any of my teachers, or I feel too awkward to talk to them about such things. You're right about taking action for myself though, although I think my dad could do A LOT more for his sake. He has been to people about the panic attacks but he doesn't take in what they say. Thanks for the support and advice, it's really helpful! <33

Once again, thank you for the advice! :cheers:

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