Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship

Chapter 1:The  Unexpected  Friendship and Bethany's arrival

Once there were two girls who were from different parts of the magix's dimension. One faithfully day one of the girls was born in a cave and show her parents killed by a dark fairy and she run away but one day the servant to the king and queen of Andros found her and take her in."

"The other girl was born in a flower and the Lynphea elders take her in like she was one of their own they also trained her in the way of the flowers."

"One day Alina was swimming in Andros when she noticed a poor baby seahorse was being picked on by a mean shark."

"Alina told the shark to leave her alone but the shark don't listen but instead chowed at her"

"Alina swim for her life until she fly out of the water and fly all the way to the kingdom of Andros because that shark was a servent to dark soul"

(Later that day Fran noticed a poor tree was about to be cut down by a mean man that wanted to turn the whole planet of Lynphea into a mall.)

(Fran decided to run front of the bulldozer and all of a sudden Fran used her flower petal attack and it attacked the man in the bulldozer making him flee.)

(The people were shocked to see Fran use her powers everyone whispered about it.)

(Fran decided to go Alfea to study her powers more.)

(Meanwhile on Andros Alina was still being chased by the shark the shark followed her to the kingdom until she hit the shark in the nose with a bubble.)

(Everyone in the kingdom of Andros looked at her like she was a freak she decided to go to Alfea the college for fairies to study her powers more.)

(The next afternoon both girls want to Alfea college but they both had trouble found friends thanks to their personalities  until they both hear a cry from a flower and baby seal.)  

(Who were both in danger there was a giant ogre about to eat little seal  and about to crush the flower.)

(The girls noticed each other and Fran said let's help those creatures.)

(Then introduce each other Alina nodded her head agreeing with Fran.)

"She used her bubble burst to make the ogre blind."

"Fran used her sleeping pollen to make him sleep when the ogre noticed them he tried to crush them."  

(Fran decided to use all the power of the flowers to throw the flower petals at  the ogre making him run away in fear.)

(Someone was watching her when she was attacking the ogre.)

(Then the girls introduced each other Fran want first.)

"She said Hi My Name is Fran!"

"Alina said Hi My Name is Alina!"  

"Where are you from? Fran asked."

"Fran answered oh i'm from Lynphea"

"How about you she said."

"Alina said she was from Andros."

"Fran asked Where were you born?"

"Fran said she was born in a flower?"

"Alina said she was born in a cave?"

"Fran asked Who are your parents?"

"Fran said the Lynphea elders she added she was found by them."

"Alina told Fran she was found by a dark fairy but she run away after she show her animal friend get killed by the fairy."

"Then Alina burst into tears and said she was lucky to be found by the servants because he killed her animal or the dark fairy would have killed me."

(That  day Fran and Alina enrolled in Alfea discovered they were in the same classes Fran had a class with her Winx Club hero Flora.)

(It was amazing Flora was great plus she was super nice to the class.)

(Alina had a class with her hero Aisha it was very fun she learned a lot)

(After class the girls want to the Magix's mall when they noticed a witch named Heather who was picking on a math fairy named Bethany she asked Heather to stop picking her.)

(Isabella don't listen she just used her dark magic to her more that is until Fran stood up to her and told her to stop picking on the poor math fairy.)

"Isabella get annoyed by Fran and pushed her down then Alina stood up to her too."

"Isabella just blasted Alina with her magic  everyone at the mall was looking at them like save the poor girl."

(But Fran decided she had enough she summoned all the power of flowers and she used her flower petal attacked that throw flower petals she used on the ogre the day before.)

(Isabella screamed for help from her sisters Steph and Dina who were the sister of Isabella)

(Isabella and her sisters were called The Dark soul sisters.)

(They decided to toy with the fairies until Flora and Aisha stepped in and attacked the witches with all their powers.)

(Flora and Aisha turn to the girls to tell them to go back to Alfea they will aid to the injured fairy.)

(So Flora and Aisha take Beth to the infirmary room at the school.)

(Where she meet her idol Techa who told her to enroll in the school because she know her from a friend of her family.)

(Beth decided to enroll at Alfea she started classes. She had a class with Techa her hero.)

(The class had a lot of cool technology but all she wanted to learn was math.)

"Techa told her to come back to class tomorrow."

(Techa get confused on what Bethany's powers were.)

(Both girls decided to go back to the college Alina had a feeling she has seen Heather somewhere before.)

(Meanwhile at cloud tower you see that the tower was already taken over by an evil wizard named Dark Soul  who had the power to turn people evil.)

(He was the dark fairy who killed Alina's sea animal and made her watch the whole thing.)

(He also trained her in dark magic but he couldn't complete her training because she run away before he could make her fully evil or destroy her.)

(But he already had another student it was Isabella who had the power of draining energy just like her master)  

(Her sisters had the power to create strong tides together.)

(Meanwhile at the school Fran asked Alina if she know that witch Alina told her she just don't know.)

"The next morning Dark Soul attacks the school and asks for Alina but the fairies just don't want to tell him."

"So the villain decides to destroy half of the school and all of the students fell but it was lucky the Winx saved all of them from getting hurt."

"Techa asked the man Who are you?"

"Dark soul He replied"

"But before he could finish his sentence bloom attacked him."  

"Dark soul decided to drain her power"

"Then she turned into dark bloom she fly to Dark soul's side"  

"Sky screams No she is dark bloom again i will destroy you he said."

"All dark soul did was laugh then left without a trace with dark bloom behind him."

"Fran asked Alina who was that man and she answers she said she was his half -father."

"She bursted out into tears and said it's all my fault i never should have come here in the first place i guess i will be a freak where ever i go."

(That night Alina run away from Alfea and she want back home.)

"She locked herself in her room Alina know she had to found herself and find a way to destroy her half-father she just don't know how to do it."

"A couple hours later Isabella and her sisters break into her home and freezes her adopted parents to the wall"

"Isabella tells her to give up her powers so she does."

"The Winx and Fran came to rescue her they make Isabella Steph and Dina to retreat back to Cloud tower where dark soul with dark bloom was planning their next move."

"Dark bloom says let's take Fran her friend and i know how"

(she whispers the plan to dark soul and we see him smiling)  

"Later that night at Alfea they welcome back Alina."

(Beth the new student of Alfea thanked both Alina and Fran for saving her from Isabella.)

(A little awhile later the whole college hears a scream then a crash.)

(Alina and Beth run out of their room to see that Fran has gone missing.)

(Beth noticed a note from Dark Bloom).

"Saying We have Fran come cloud tower alone Signed Dark Bloom"  


(We see that Fran is being kidnapped by Dark Bloom).

(We see Fran with a gag on her mouth and her hands tied behind her back having dark bloom take her all the way to cloudtower.)

(Next time on Fran Alina and Bethany's magical journey Beth will discover she has the power of math when she is asked to solve one of Techa's math problems and we will be introduced to heather and Alina will talk to dark soul)

It's kind of hard to read because there are no paragraphs, some words are misspelled, and the names should be capitalized.

rashid29 wrote:

It's kind of hard to read because there are no paragraphs, some words are misspelled, and the names should be capitalized.

thank you edit it and i should have put it in paragraphs in the first place oh and btw if any of you mods see other names in this fanfic they are side oc's like Heather Teri and Darla and Dark Soul and Bethany

There is a serious need for grammar correction here, you're also using many of the same words in a sentence. That is rather frowned on by many writers. Within the first part you have a run on sentence. Fire, I would suggest fixing this up a bit, run a grammar check and have someone beta read.

this is just the first draft of the fanfic the final draft is the right one which was posted last night late

I also have a suggestion Is it possible to have some paragraphs added into your story? I know it sounds harsh, but it gives a bit more of an idea of what's going on in the story, since from skim reading it, I have NO clue of what's happening.

And I also agree with zero with somebody doing a beta read. This will provide really good feedback and help you improve in your writing. To add on to his suggestion, it's best to have someone read over it before posting it straight off, even if it's a draft.

I know it's not the best help I can give, but this is from my own experiences of writing stories.

oh i might to so that this is my old version the new version is the one on top or bottom of this one

It would be easier to read if you put quotation marks but your doing a good job it would help improve your writing .

zerowing21 wrote:

There is a serious need for grammar correction here, you're also using many of the same words in a sentence. ... run a grammar check and have someone beta read.

yukai5 wrote:

I also have a suggestion Is it possible to have some paragraphs added into your story? I know it sounds harsh, but it gives a bit more of an idea of what's going on in the story....

winxforeverfan wrote:

It would be easier to read if you put quotation marks ....

What they have stated would be my suggestion. You've got an interesting plot, but it's the aesthetics of the fiction that is making it hard for people to get on board and stay. How you present a fiction is just as important as what is in it. I highly, highly, highly recommend you run this through Microsoft Word and then find someone who will beta it and have them look it over and run it through Word and then send it back. Beta readers are an amazing gift, and I even have one.

firebid1030 wrote:

this is just the first draft of the fanfic the final draft is the right one which was posted last night late

I don't mind doing the proof reading for you ^^